You are held

Posted on Instagram on April 10, 2018

A talisman, a prayer.
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Yesterday I felt vulnerable, hurt, small. In the power of someone else. Their long time power to make me feel scared, not enough, wrong, on shaky ground.
My instant reaction was to be triggered and fall in the old patterns. Panic, anxiety, self harm in different ways. And the sense of failure... I thought I had done so much, improved, worked on myself, but see, he looks at me like I am shit, talks to me in his usual way, and I am back where I started.
And also... I try to be a good person, respect others, be kind, give love... Then why am I always reaping such crap from those around me?
I had to feel miserable for a while. And cry and panic. Then I stood again. As I drew this talisman I asked myself the questions I learned are important to map my way: who am I hurting if I don't eat? Who am I hurting if I give up? What is it that really hurt me?
And I realised... .
That I needed to feel held. To know that there is something bigger, bigger than my human family, that I belong to and holds me in love.
May I always know that I am held.
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That I need to stay in the space of my Heart. To think, act, work from that place full of wisdom. That I don't want to become a bitter cold person like them.
I may not be ready to love those who hurt me, but I can damn well remember to love myself and my work and what matters to me.
May I always stay in my Heart.
.
That to go on in my journey towards healing I need to keep my Heart Eye open. So that I can see past the old patterns and schemes to catch the truth.
May I always have the strength to seek my Truth.
.
That to live my Truth in love and grace, I need to keep my head up and honour myself. My needs. My emotions. I need to always remember that I am worthy. That I can use my voice. That I must use my voice. That I don't have to make myself smaller so that some people won't be bothered by my presence.
That, as Gandhi said, I won't allow anyone to walk in my mind with their dirty feet.
May I always be in touch with the warrior that lives in my Heart.
May I always find the wisdom to protect myself from the old patterns and schemes that I am learning to let go of. 💙
And so may you.

Woodland Nymph

Posted on Instagram on April 7, 2018

She came to me whispering - in a language of black ink.
The dawn was quick and she demanded my attention - more lines, more tales as I marked the silver sheet for sawing and shaping.
She told me her place is with the trees, where shrubs grow wild and silence is broken only by the song of the wind through the leaves. By the savage birds who are crazy about life.
A Moonstone, she said, because water is magic - and the Moon her Queen.

Starborn

Posted on Instagram on April 3, 2018

Fallen from the Sky a long, lost time ago - celestial ultra speed, cold and then flames, a final deep dive into the Earth.
Teachers of the Ancestors.
Dream-manifesting beings, gift-givers of fire and magic.
The star made iron.
What is up being precipitated down - what is below brought up for everyone to see.
Alchemy.
Chance.
The soul in awe, blooming red.
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Starborn Doll for someone who speaks the ancient magic with the work of her hands.
The galactic traveling phoenix.
Sterling silver, brass, meteorite fragment.

The spirit of what is lost

Posted on Instagram on March 30, 2018

I was lying awake in my bed in the middle of the night. I am not fond of this new thing, this waking up in the little hours of the night.
Anyway.
I started to think - which is one of the reasons why I really don't like this new thing with the sleep.
I started to think about my artworks that were never returned to me by some galleries. My original drawings that I spent so many hours on, that I will never see again - and not because they found a home, but because the galleries owners didn't fulfill their part of the deal, to send my works back to me.
It physically hurts, every time I think about them.
And from there I went to think about other things I lost... Creations lost in the mail. Things from my childhood. And then people. Relationships.
I was growing so sad and anxious...
And I conjured up a Spirit Doll.
The one who takes care of all the things that go missing. I imagine her, collecting all of them in her magical bowl. Keeping them safe. Maybe sending them, through the infinite ways of the universe, to someone who needs them.
I got up very early in the morning and ran to create her, to bring her into our dimension in silver and garnet...

Spirit doll

Posted on Instagram on March 28, 2018

I was lying in bed, looking up at the magical Dolls that Julia of @sacredfamiliar created for me. Reflecting on my journey with them, how they silently supported me, how I grew closer to them, how their magic shaped the vision I have of the world.
I reflected on how those images of feminine beings are important.
We need symbols and amulets, sometimes, to better get in touch with certain part of ourselves, and with the energies we can't see.
And I felt the need to bring this whole "what a Doll is to me" (even the parts I am unable to express in words) in a creation of silver and gemstone.
I fused, filed, soldered, carved. Quite freely, quite trusting luck and instinct.
Because I didn't have a guide, a tutorial, a lesson.
Just another leap of faith, if you will.
And this darling one appeared, hours later.
She is a wink to the first Doll I received from Julia, the Stag Woman that held my hand during some fearful years.
Even though this one has a different energy, less grandmother, definitely wild, fairy ancient ghostly. I like that she looks a bit like a Madonna, but not quite it.
I like that her horns are stylised and maybe they are branches instead.
I like how I can almost hear her transparent laughter as I hold her in my hand.