Serenity Spirit Doll

Posted on Instagram on September 14, 2018

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."
(Serenity Prayer)
💙
You have seen her yesterday, when she just started to shape up.
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She has been a much needed lesson and practice in surrender.
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Because there is so much going on right now for me - things I worked to make happen and that still scare and challenge me - things happening that I can't control - things I want to avoid or control and I can't do either - also good things I am not used to have and that some part of me is scared of.
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When I melted the silver for the body and realised it was melting in an awkward way (which means...different from what I usually do) I had a moment of childish tantrum. Omg. Please. I just came here to work in silver and relax and step out of all the talks and drama and worries... won't you really let me have it???!!
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Then I took a deep breath and I tried to see the opportunity there. Where does this awkward piece of silver wants to lead me?
So I went ahead without thinking or planning, assembling pieces as they went. Remembering what is the pleasure in this work, past the plans and goals and whatever.
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A little ball of melted copper at the bottom. Something like hair-roots wrapped around it.
Yes, I hear. Yes, I need to ground.
And the incident when said roots melted and it all took the shape of an almost heart.
Yes, I hear. Yes, always Love.
And someway she turned out to look like an Our Lady, so the halo felt perfectly right if made of leaves.
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Finally...I blame @sticksandstonessf for the hint of bloody red patina - which she used recently in her work and that calls beautifully to my own journey with blood symbolism and what it means to me.

Vessel for stardust

Posted on Instagram on September 11, 2018

To be held.
To be open.
To receive.
To be safe.
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A piece born a couple of weeks ago, only now ready to be seen and to travel away from me.
Something intuitive, an image of comfort that popped in my mind while spinning thread and trying not to resist the flood of uncomfortable emotions.
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Celestial hands materializing from the sky.
Holding a little rugged vessel - you.
Precious vessel for stardust and magic.
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How to remain open while protecting yourself?
How to have healthy boundaries for your soft gentle heart?
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How to surrender and trust that something will hold you?
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I don't have all the answers but this piece gives me the feeling that all is unfolding how it is supposed to. That there is an order and a meaning and a reason, even if I can't see or understand them.
And for now it's enough.

Grow - Song of seeds

Posted on Instagram on August 26, 2018

This one has many layers to it.
There is a chamber beneath the stone, where I hid a lot of seeds of wild flowers and juniper, with a pinch of soil. The stone is a rutilated quartz that becomes a rain of sunshine needles when the light hits it.
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It is about growing where we are planted - no matter if the situation doesn't seem ideal, if we could use a little bit more of warmth, space, nourishing.
It is about growing where they didn't want us to grow - didn't plan us to grow - didn't see us fit. This is the reason why the seeds are all from wild flowers that are often seen as weeds in the gardens and that are oh so resilient.
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It is about how the seeds are a manifestation of hope and promise, to me. They are potential. .
It is about talking with my soul sister Maggie @sticksandstonessf the other day, about the people who have planted seeds of good into our souls. Like growing up thinking it's normal for everyone to overstep your boundaries, or hurting you, or making you small. And someone - or more of them - happens in your life, here and there, gifting you the idea that you deserve something different or something more. That what you perceive as normal, what you allow to crush yourself, isn't necessarily right. And you may not be ready to fully accept and digest the notion right then, but those people are planting seeds in your soul, little things that stay there and will grow each and every time you happen to water them. Until one day you look back and realise you have done it.
These people have granted you the permission to grow your own beautiful colorful messy garden.
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The pendant is a little rattle.
Shake it and you will hear the sound of the silver leaves and of the seeds inside.
A song of hope and strength and resilience.
The song of the tiny seeds that accomplish the great task to make the world more beautiful.

Shields

Posted on Instagram on August 20, 2018

"strenght
knows how to be gentle
when to be patient
and
when to walk away"
Kat Lehmann @songsofkat
🖤
I used to think that I needed someone to save me.
To defend me.
To take my side when I was accused and innocent.
To protect me when they hurt me.
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And I used to think that is how it's supposed to be. That, especially as a woman, I needed a man to be there for me - father, lover. To rely upon.
That, especially as someone so sensitive and with a mental illness so debilitating, I needed some kind of human shield to wave the flag of my cause. To speak up for me so that I would be understood, treated more kindly. So that I would not break down in a million pieces.
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Yesterday I was that person for myself.
Yesterday I had a giant outburst of years old anger when a relative of mine hit one of my sensitive nerves. Because I was fucking sick of hearing him say that you can overcome depression and panic attack by sheer will. You try that buddy. See how that works for you.
Why yesterday? Because I am learning that I can't just keep taking offenses and words that hurt me, you know, with a small smile and a shrug - and then retreat back in my hole and cry and feel all that hurt and anger.
That I need to speak up.
To say "no, thankyou, I don't want this".
That I am allowed to.
That I should.
That I MUST.
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I also saw that I overreacted so I needed to take time to apologize for that - while still explaining why it happened.
Taking my own responsibility, giving them theirs.
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And it felt monumental. Like breaking a 35 years old wall of fucked up programming.
It felt like a million of contrasting emotions coursing through me.
It felt like tears of relief.
It felt like my inner child not able to process what happened and staying stuck in the argument moment - not able to see that I have actually been able to also go past it and that all was actually fine.
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It felt like my father shame. What he has ingrained in me so deeply that I never noticed it; the shame of having been "too much" in public. Not proper. .
It felt like having a backbone. .
This morning I woke up early and ran to make these shields. They talk about it.

Nido di vipere

Posted on Instagram on August 18, 2018

"Viper's nest" is how she wants to be called.
And it is almost ridiculous how much I craved to create her.
Enough to go to the bench and wobble around in today's humid heat (then I finished and ran inside and plopped on the bed for hours, but oh well! 😂).
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The last few weeks have been deep work for me on the ancestral wounds and on the feminine and the sexuality - the three also kinda interconnect for me.
I think it's partially the energy that was going on between the full and new moon, and partially simply something I need to acknowledge and heal.
So hello spindle and hello again Snake.
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Spinning thread for me is a prayer and something that magically connects me to the ancestors, I can't even explain why or how, but I always need long spinning session when facing ancestral issues.
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The Snake has been a teacher of shedding and graceful change in the past years, and now it also has the role of sexuality and feminine power - nothing new here, since Snake was always sacred to the Goddess, eh?
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And this ring...really really needed to come and challenge me. Challenge me to make it happen despite the fact I could have used a stronger flame than the one I own, for instance. Challenge me to find something to set when the river stone I chose broke - oh well, this copper nugget looks much better than it anyway - accept surprises, accept you can't control everything. Surrender.
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Two sterling silver snakes entwined and curled around a magical copper nugget that was created by water casting - so I decided it is perfect because it's born in the female element, water, after being made liquid by the fire. It all makes sense on a magical level, yes?
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The ring is heavy, textured, with points of high polish and rough patches.
It makes me feel electric and with wild creative power.
It turned out much more than I envisioned it to be, and for this I am grateful.