Luce

Posted on Instagram on June 11, 2018

"The world is unfathomable and mysterious, just as we all are. The art of the warrior consists of reconciling the terror of being a man with the wonder of being a man." (P. Cohelo, Warrior of the Light)
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This piece was a true challenge.
I went to work on an amulet because I needed the healing it brings me. I wanted to work on a piece complementary to my dark bird necklace - something that spoke of the light.
I also needed to saw and do some of that "drawing like" work, as opposed to the carving and the more freeform pieces...
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I went to saw one of the designs I had ready.
And everything started to go fucking wrong.
Strong headache - so I had to quit earlier.
The next day I had a sleepless night and an argument in the family which lead me to panic.
Then I went to finally work in the shed, hoping the alone time and work would soothe me. And as usual, one of my relatives arrived and broke my focus.
You see, I work in the garden shed. So sometimes they need to come and pick up things, and sometimes in the process other things fall. And they never think to tell me something before they start the mess. Yes, I am angry.
The chaos they made had me solder a shitfuck.
I went back home. BLOODY ANGRY. At the work and silver wasted. But mostly, at the fact that I am so done being their doormat. .
I don't feel like a waste of space on the planet anymore. I see my issues but I also think I deserve to occupy some space. One of the biggest changes that therapy brought me so far.
Makes it hard to accept things the way they were.
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So today I went back to work on this. I hoped to fix it and make it still be how I planned. I should have known better.
After more anger, I stopped.
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I wanted to talk of what is of light. The sun the moon the stars.
It ends up being a talisman about the Inner Warrior. The one that is coming to the surface for me.
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And yes it looks battered.
It looks worn. It looks like it had a life before coming to me.
I see how this is perfect.
Because I have to trust that my own Warrior has been dormant in me until now, but she has the experience and strength coming from many previous lifetimes.
And her armour is perfect, battle battered as it is.

The Nina Pendant

Posted on Instagram on June 2, 2018

This is the Nina Pendant 😄
After yesterday's piece dedicated to Pooh, I wanted to make a smaller one as a pendant, and since Nina is the mini cat, she gets this one to be named after her 😺
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When we got her she was 4 month old, and quite big for a kitty of that age. We figured she would become a really big cat! Instead, she grew a tiny bit more and stopped there 😂😂😂 so she is the mini cat.
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She taught me a lot.
When we first got her she was a force to be reckoned with (running, jumping off walls, huge owl eyes), but not cuddly at all. I am a cuddler. I was upset that she didn't want to be petted or snuggle on me. I even thought she really didn't like me (self esteem issues much, yes 😅). And I felt a bad person for "judging" her.
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One day I figured out it was what it was, and that I better accept her for what she is. She isn't cuddly but she sure is brave and crazy and fierce for such a little thing. She could teach me about courage and not giving a fuck, and I could totally use the lesson.
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Since then, the more I have worked toward putting myself first, toward defending my own self. The more I have worked on my own resilience (and on noticing it). The more I have allowed myself to speak my truth... The more I did all of that, the closer she got to me.
Mind you, she still isn't a cuddle bug.
But she comes to sleep on my lap when I bead or spin wool. And when I nap.
She even allows me to pet her for a second.
I like to see it as her, my "teacher", recognising my improvements 😄
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So this pendant is for remembering we were born wild and we won't let them tame us! (Isadora Duncan style!)
And to remember that indeed we can find someone that will love us without the need for us to shush our voice.
And also, to remember the importance of being a little crazy and playful and brave.

The Pooh Ring

Posted on Instagram on June 1, 2018

This shall be named The Pooh Ring.
The name could be Cat Eye Talisman. But Pooh inspired it, so she gets credit 😋
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Today was anxiety and stress. Bf having to go to the hospital for an exam, nothing serious but it was at a time I am uncomfortable (well, more than usual, I mean 😅). Plus pms. Plus a weather migraine. I really needed to go to the bench and keep my monkey mind busy.
So I took a painkiller, and my usual meds. Probably I should have left more time pass between the two 😅😅😅
That's how I found myself chilling on the grass with Pooh.
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I had this labradorite stone that I brought with me, I had thought to make a snake ring and use it as the snake head.
But I was cuddling Pooh and I realised the stone was like a cat pupil.
And I decided it would become a talisman.
With all the sweet energy of my old goof incredible cat. Who is so sweet and resilient and cuddly and badass and who went through so much but still decided to trust me, a human.
She has a way to calm me and instill me wisdom.
Something peculiar to her, something different from the good stuff my other cats give me.
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So this is a cat eye to watch over you. A talisman to give you love and resilience and wisdom and sweet goof cuddling.
In honour of the abandoned cat who decided to adopt me 💙
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Labradorite, copper, sterling and fine silver.

Into her arms

Posted on Instagram on May 25, 2018

If I told you that yesterday I was so so so scared, so tired from the withdrawal, so exhausted by the constant showing up that therapy work requires.
If I told you that I was laying in bed with an horrific migraine, panicked because of a mix of pms and family triggers, and that I didn't want to have a panic attack, that I just wanted to escape it with any means - that I thought fuck it all, fuck the days I fought the withdrawal, I am just going to drink and eat all the meds I can just to make it stop.
If I told you that I was laying there, talking myself out of giving up. Once again forcing myself to surrender to the wave of emotions and physical sensations.
That I was breathing in, breathing out.
Rings made by beloved friends on my hands. Pendants on my neck. My amulets, my reminders of love.
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And that at a certain point, in a meditative state, past the worst of the panic - what seemed like hours - I was in a garden and Mary came to me and let me fall into her arms and cry. That she held me so softly, so lovingly. That she soothed me. That she made me feel safe and luminous and not so desperately small and alone.
Mary, that for me is the most intuitive image of a Great Mother, of a source of unconditional love, the understanding one, the one who kisses your scraped knees. The one who holds you in her heart like her special children, always, always.
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If I told you all of this... Then you would be able, maybe, to understand how I summoned this talisman in the dark hours of the night. How I planned it, shaped it in my mind, considered it - made it my plan for the day to come - another reason to stay, another reason to show up, another reason to surrender.
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It's a beautifully raw textured hollow shape, created hammer blow by hammer blow, surrounded by carved leaves and vines. It's absolutely dark inside, because, as a friend recently told me, in the darkness you find the healing.
But it is pierced - I like to see it like a night with stars. It's pierced so that the light can get in and hit the beautiful quartz point that stands there, strong and wise and luminous.
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This one is for you, whoever you are.

Snake

Posted on Instagram on May 23, 2018

Teach me how to face the change with grace.
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Show me how you shed your old skin.
How you do it despite the fear, if you feel any.
Teach me the beauty of sitting with my own discomfort - with that tender new skin that shivers at the gentle breeze.
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Let me see what it is, the sinuous going through vivid grass and fallen leaves, teach me the joy of feeling it all - with luminous, tender new skin, nerve endings alive.
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Let the wisdom of cycles and seasons seep in my essence, so that I can embrace it all, the old, the new, what is gone, what is coming. What is leaving, what needs to leave.
Show me how I can surrender to my own timing, with love, with meaning.
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Teach me about the refuge in the womb of the earth when the time is right, and the pleasure of the surface in the sunshine.
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Show me how I am more than this skin, this brain, this self. How I can slink out of something that doesn't fit me anymore, and still be something.
Show me how new skin is made.
How it's knit together with stardust and shadows and all that is needed. Open my eyes to the the rugged beauty of the process. .
Teach me what it is to be comfortable in my own skin, and how to be uncomfortable in it with grace.
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Snake pendant with raw gemstone.